My life is consumed with being on campus.  Not always doing school work, but always being there.
I am spending the entire day in the studio tomorrow.  I really mean all day.
I had french fries from McDonalds.  They were delicious in a sinful way.
I’m addicted to the stupid “Paper Planes” song.  I’m horribly embarassed by this fact.
I want to wear sundresses now.
Spring break is only a few weeks away.
My car still has a huge dent in the door.

That is all.

It was pretty great when I was writing every day religiously.  This past week sort of caught up with me, though, and I didn’t get a chance to get to this–nor did I really have much to say.  Hours working on prints, spent wasting away editing, and the six hours a week I’ve decided to spend dancing have finally taken their toll and most nights I find myself awake past one.  Needless to say, making a few quick comments takes the backseat to sleep.  

Last night I experienced one of the most uncomfortable events of my life.  I had an allergic reaction.  Not just some blotchy rash or something–oh no, it was me in hives for twelve hours, scratching my skin off at 4:30 in the morning, crying because I knew I had to be up to study for an exam (ah!) that I haven’t even begun to look at the material.  This is now mostly remedied, however, I still feel quite itchy and fear that the day will be miserable as I spend it figuring out how to look as though I’m not losing my mind while scratching every square inch of my body.

My family is coming into town this weekend which means two things:  I have to clean and I’m going to see my sister.  It’ll also include copious amounts of my stepfather complaning about things that don’t really matter and “you look thin” comments being made by my mom.  At least I’ll get to play with the cutest puppy in the entire world for a few hours too.

It sounds like the guys in the office below our apartment are playing old school Nintendo games.  Specifically LA Sports which had a pretty awesome surfing game that I couldn’t do.

If I’ve learned anything in the past three years, it’s that I tend to jump into things too quickly.  Choice of college, my relationships, deciding what classes to take, volunteering for stuff–I’d say about 90% of such decisions were made quickly without evaluating all options.  I’m not saying all of these things are bad, but what I have realized is that sometimes I need to think things through, give them time, and revisit them when I have a clearer mind.  Many times, I don’t necessarily wait and seek out what I’m really going after and then in time, I realize that I’ve accumulated a list of regrets and “what if’s”.  Lately I’ve been thinking that maybe, just maybe, I should have waited longer before deciding on a college.  Wondering what if I would have figured out a way to study abroad this past fall?  What would my life be like if I could have been the person I wanted to be a year ago?  

While I know wondering about the past won’t at all affect my life now, it’s this reflection that leads me into thinking about how I live my life presently.  Am I where I want to be as a person?  Am I letting things pass me by?  I have to identify what I want and really start going after it before I wake up in ten years and realize that I’ve let things slip through the cracks.  I feel like with the new year and my birthday around the corner, I really really have to straighten myself out.  Not because someone else needs me to, but because I need me to.  It’s the least I owe myself.

I realized today that I attach myself to people.  I feel that this might be why I only have a handful of “real” friends.  Once someone talks to me–or I meet them for the first time, or they show me the slightest amount of kindness–I cling.  I realize that this is a huge problem for a majority of the civilized world, but I do it no matter how much I attempt not to.  I feel like this is something that can be linked back to my childhood (and if it can’t be, I’d like to say it can be so I have an explaination for my behavior).  Either way, I tend to bother the people who will listen, over-interact with anyone who seems to enjoy my company, and drive all the people in my life out of their minds.  I really wish I knew how to leave people alone more often, but when I find someone I enjoy because of their wonderful personality, or their knowledge, or their way of just brightening up my day, I try to talk to them as much as I can.  I want to keep those people that I think are special as close as possible but I realize tht I later feel terrible for smothering them with my insecurity of having them leave me.  This is something I should probably get over.  Fast.

I’ve noticed that on any day that doesn’t require me to leave the house I have a very difficult time becoming a functioning member of society.  It’s not like I’ve been asleep all day, I just seem to float between the sofa and my bed a ridiculous number of times, ward off taking a shower, and take an unnecessary fast.  I’ve been watching unimportant things like this:

or reading blogs I like such as this ,

or checking Facebook compulsively while watching fire engines speed down my street, or checking CNN to see where Obama and his train are (I bet Amtrak isn’t charging him and arm and a leg, and he probably gets a seat for the whole trip), or searching Ebay for things I’ll never really need, or buy for that matter or just being generally useless and neglecting household chores.   I’d like to think it’s not because I’m lazy, but instead because of some higher reason that I just don’t understand yet. Perhaps it’s just me trying to enjoy a day of no responsibilities–something that rarely comes around anymore.  Either way, I’m plastered to the couch with a cozy blanket in the clothes I wore to sleep last night.  Not necessarily the most attractive thing to look at, but glamorous just isn’t my style.